Vibrations of Soul

Around 7:15pm I rolled into VIP parking in the back of my new best friends leather interiored car.

By 7:30 we’d settled ourselves in a sky box, complete with locked mini bar.

By 8:10, the vibrations coursing through my ribcage were so strong I thought I might puke if I listened too hard.  So I closed my eyes, leaned back in my seat and listened with my body.  Eventually, my heart stopped trying to beat its own rhythm and synced with the heavy vibrations.  The queasiness passed.  Now I could even feel the vibrations in my finger tips, and it wasn’t unpleasant.

Sometime around 9, I guess, they struck up one of my favorites.  Bobbing my head and shaking my knees in a seat wasn’t cutting it.  Our sky box was occupied only by the three of us and an older couple who didn’t look like they were planning on leaving their seats anytime soon.  So I hopped over the back rows to the bar portion of the box, pushed aside the monotone furniture and let my limbs loose.

I am not a subtle dancer.  I am all elbows and knees, hips twisting, feet stamping, hands twirling.  My heart vibrated to 80s rock and it pulsed out through my spine, hammered the floor and sliced the air.

By the end of this single song, I thought I might die of exhaustion.  It was good.

By 11:30ish, we’d finally found a bar with an open kitchen.  Blues sung by a skinny old man in a black news cap, grinning foolishly.  He oozed love.

By 12:30ish, my new best friend had pulled away in his fancy car and the two of us left were tangled up on the couch.

Now, dear reader, close your eyes and picture another kind of vibration.  For one such as myself who will embrace the vibrations of music without hesitation and fly, body against body is an entirely different story.  It is, in my lucid memories at least, accompanied by trepidation, nerves, shyness, and even fear.  Not so on this night.

At 9:05am I pulled into my drive.  Five minutes late.  I walked in my backdoor to discover a teary eyed child.  She’d expected me the moment she entered our home and instead discovered emptiness.  It momentarily broke her heart.  Fortunately, toddlers forgive easily.  It wasn’t long before we’d settled on the couch for an apologetic nurse.

This is when I looked into my live-out-hubby’s face for the first time.  His cheek twitched in agitation.  We talked lightly of our child’s previous night and day.  He shared her funny and delightful, successful and challenging moments.  And all the while, I knew I smelled of something musky.  My heart did not beat in time to my own little home; it was still letting off tremulous vibrations of triumph, nostalgia, comfort, and joy.  It vibrated of moments he could not possibly share.  And his cheek twitched in agitation as I smiled.

Tags: bars, concerts, dancing, dating, ex-husband, love-making, music, Rush, walk of shame