When I turned 18, I gifted myself a pierced belly button. This was long before every ‘it’ girl in town flaunted her bejeweled navel. This was something I’d dreamed of for years, ever since I discovered it was even a possibility. It’s something I gave to myself because it made me feel beautiful. However, very few people actually saw my navel. I rarely if ever wore shirts cropped that short and I’ve never been a bathing beauty. So, it really was just for me.
This week, I splurged (yet again) at a local coffee shop. I was served by a girl who must have served me hundreds of times by now. She’s petite, slender, with pitch black greasy hair pulled up in a messy pony tail. She’s always in black, frequently with a studded belt. I remember her clearly because her features are tiny, beautiful, and doll-like but she’s been cursed with one of those really awful cases of acne that make you cringe and feel sympathy while attempting not to stare in horror. This time, she looked different. She had elongated pointy canine teeth. Yes, vampire teeth. And they were real. They were not little plastic inserts; they were a part of her mouth…her bite. She successfully spoke with only the tiniest hint of a lisp. And they were beautiful. I found myself feeling regretful when she turned away to complete my order. I wanted to watch her talk all day. I wondered if they made her feel beautiful, in a dangerous, pointy, I’m going to bite you kind of way. I hope they do.
I think I need to visit my local over-priced department store for another sort of splurge: matching bra and panties. If I could wearing matching sets every day, I would. And it wouldn’t matter that no one saw them, just as it didn’t matter that no one ever saw my navel ring. They’d be there, just for me.
And I wondered if the girl and her new vampire teeth would love her teeth as much if no one else could see them. Would she feel as special if their elongated sharpness were visible only to her?
Does it make me more or less self-confident that I rather enjoy having secretly beautiful feelings? Because on the days that I preen, I tend to try to catch my reflection in every store window just to make sure I still look as cute as I feel. But on the days that I don’t preen–but I happen to be wearing a matching bra and panties set–I go about my business looking like a lazy-ass frizz ball, and therefore would rather not look at my reflection, but still feel perfectly beautiful since I am, after all, wearing a matching bra and panties set.
On a side note, just in case you were wondering, I no longer have a pierced navel. I had to remove it part way through my pregnancy; it got uncomfortable. I’m considering a re-pierce in honor of my 30th birthday. It seems a fitting second coming of age gift to myself.
The Umbilicus serves, then withdraws, leaving but a single footprint where it stood: the navel, wrinkled and cupped, whorled and domed, blind and winking, bald and tufted, sweaty and powdered, kissed and bitten, waxed and fuzzy, bejeweled and ignored; reflecting as graphically as breasts, seeds or fetishes the omnipotent fertility in which Nature dangles her muddy feet, the navel looks in like a plugged keyhole on the center of our being, it is true, but O navel, though we salute your motionless maternity and the dreams that have got tangled in your lint, you are only a scar after all. – Tom Robbins, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues
I got a belly button piercing as a celebration of my graduation from college. It was such a bold act for someone like myself that never did anything out of the box of ordinary. I came to love that ring. When I was pregnant it had to come out, like yours, and I was very upset. It represent so much, and was equally symbolic that I had to give it up. From the holes of the ring spread two large stretch marks on my stomach, my only ones. I never thought I would love something more on my body than that belly button ring, yet, I love my stretch marks even more for all they now represent.
Would it be weird if I got a belly button piercing?
Beautiful! I absolutely love reading what you write!!
I do “just for me” beautiful things, although I have to admit, I have fangs too, and the fact that I know people are seeing them and either admiring or fearing them gives me a kind of…high, you know?
But there’s something totally different and satisfying about things only you know about. (Like matching lingerie.) I say go for it, do whatever makes you feel as beautiful and wonderful as you are on the inside.
Ha. I just posted about my own ring (and taking it out b/c of pregnancy) today. And then found your post.
I think it makes you more confident to do things that make you feel beautiful in secret.
And please tell me the vampire teeth girl did not get the teeth in honor of the Twilight series. Please.
urbanvamp –
you didn’t leave a url! I want to know more. tell me about your fangs. why’d you make that decision? how much does that cost? I don’t suppose insurance covers it. come back!
[...] My fist date was with Mr. Dad of Two. Not a “date” I should clarify. Just a catch-up cup ‘o tea. A “Hey, how are you since you disappeared and sometimes I think of you so I was just wondering” cup ‘o tea. It was nice. And then it got sweetly odd…because we walked out to our cars and he said he had something for me. He bought it last summer, when he read one of my posts, “and they match.” [...]