i called a lawyer. okay, well, i emailed a lawyer who said i should call her. she’s in my moms group and says she can probably handle the divorce for me since it’s uncontested.
i’ve told myself i’ll call her tomorrow: monday.
farewell fear.
tonight, my live-out husband and i drove to his brother’s apartment. we went down for the day to have a belated thanksgiving with him and my in-laws.
i’ve gotten used to the surreal feeling of visiting with them. we all function the same way. we all speak and act the same way, but i no longer feel irritated with my live-out husband when he doesn’t do something i wish he had. i just do it myself instead. or i don’t bother tip-toeing around the bush and just ask him to do it. it works much better: communicating and all.
farewell surreal.
on the way home, A__ finally asleep in the back, he brought up my house quest. i’m supposed to be looking for a house. he mentioned that if i did find a house with an apartment, he’d be interested in being my tenant. i’d asked him about this awhile ago and told him to think on it. so, naturally, we ended up talking about how that would work. would it make dating other people awkward? would it be better for A__? for us?
he said it would be better for A__, and for him. i asked why it would be better for him. he said, “i’d get to see A__ more.” i liked that response.
eventually, after more chat, i said, “i still don’t understand. if we both wish so hard that this had worked out, why can’t we fix it?” he said, “i don’t know. we’ll never know.” or, something to that effect.
i took some deep breaths to make sure i didn’t drop a tear.
i know it’s over. i know it’s better over. we’re both happier in many ways. we’re both moving on in many ways. he is becoming the person i always wanted to watch him become, he’s just doing it without me as a partner. and i’m doing the same thing. and i like that: that we both continue to live our lives and become better people.
so, tonight, i say farewell to sorrow. it does me no good to linger. my mourning is essentially complete. and i will make it so by calling the lawyer tomorrow to make an appointment to talk divorce. we will legally end what our hearts already have.
farewell sorrow.
oh, this is heartbreaking. But everything will work out for the best, it always does. Best of luck and love.
Wonderfully expressed. Thanks.
A hug for you… {{{{{ HUG }}}}}
and a few quotes from friendsd, that I rely on to get me through my days…often enough:
“We’re all losing love until we’re not anymore.” -“Rorschach”
“Everything happens to people on a journey.” -Sister Maurice
“This life stuff, this love stuff, its not at all what we thought it would be, is it?” – “Tigerlily”
“Words like ‘enough’ are meaningless. It just is what it is, and it is often wonderful. There’s a lot to be happy about, and a lot to do.” -“attak mule”
While I was reading this, I just kept seeing that baby girl asleep . . .so safe and loved and secure . . . in the back seat. She is so lucky to have you as her mother. I hope everything went OK with your call.
Hope everything went well today. Good luck.