The Toddler Tales of Woe News caught up with a local toddler. Her mother, let’s call her, Selfish Mom, abruptly decided to stop nursing her last night. We interviewed the informant earlier today. Here’s what she had to say:
TTWNews: So, how did this all begin?
Informant: I don’t know. One minute I’m happily sucking on a boob for comfort and the next I’m being told that I’m “all done.”
TTWNews: “All done?” What exactly does that mean?
Informant: Well, usually it means that we’re done for now. But in a couple minutes we can do it again. Like turning the faucet on and off, and throwing cheerios. But, last night, that was it, Selfish mom actually rolled over and turned her back on me. I was devastated.
TTWNews: Wow. So, what did you do?!
Informant: Do?! I did what any self-respecting toddler would, I threw a fit. I screamed. I cried. I flung myself around and kicked my feet. I stayed at least two feet away from Selfish Mom and refused to let her touch me. I made sure she understood fully the impact of her poor decision.
TTWNews: Good for you. And I assume she responded positively?
Informant: Well, no, she didn’t. She insisted on saying foolish things like, “Do you want your milk?” and “I’ll pat your back and sing to you.” What the f*#^$%?! She didn’t seem to understand that I needed to nurse! I don’t know why, I mean, I kept shouting “nurse!” So, I tried another tactic. I stopped crying and just sat. I-
TTWNews: Wait a minute: You just sat?!
Informant: Yes. Non-violent protest. I staged a sit-in. Except, I was really tired, so I think I only lasted about half an hour and then I caved in to the back-rub.
TTWNews: Oh. So, Selfish Mom won.
Informant: Well, no, not really. I tried again a couple of hours later, to no avail. But then, I’d say around 7am, she caved. Totally caved. And I paid her back by nursing for, like, over an hour. It was sweet.
Addendum: TTWNews had no success trying to reach Selfish Mom. She answered her phone, but refused to allow us to conduct an interview, she just shouted at us: “I’m exhausted! I’m short-tempered! I listened to my body and it said, Don’t Touch my Boobs! I know who your informant is and she can rest assured that the strike continues again tonight!”