Avi: What’s that?
Mama: It’s an article about a woman who is going back to school to learn about leadership.
Avi: Why does she want to learn about leadership?
Mama: Because she wants to change the world and it’s easier to do that when you’re a leader.
Avi: I want to change the Wol-old
Mama: You do? That’s great!
Avi: Mama, I’m going to change the world with these cds.
Mama: Okay.
……
Avi: Hmmmm, these aren’t working, I guess I’ll have to do it myself.
I never forget that I’m a mom.
I don’t always think about it, but I never forget.
Even though I have a career I love, if I run into someone I haven’t seen in a while and they ask what I’m up to the first thing out of my mouth is “being a mom.”
With all the busy-ness of being-a-mom, it can be easy to forget how miraculous it is that I am one.
When I was growing up, I never dreamed of a white wedding and I didn’t think this was unusual. But when I finally did get married, my girlfriends all admitted to their childhood dreams of weddings. I had to think back and realized that in place of dreams of weddings was a dream of motherhood. And every time I fell in love, I didn’t daydream about my life with this partner, I dreamt of his conversations with our child. It was never a partner for which I longed, it was a child.
And, here I am, with a child. A grown-up. With a child.
And it wasn’t until I saw this picture this evening, of my child. My small child with my face staring back at me that I remembered how miraculous it is, how lucky I am, how honored I am to have a child. My dream has come true. Unexpectedly and without warning, I am living a dream
I hope I do her justice because she’s frickin’ awesome.
The final refrain of ‘A Whole New World’ sung through the screen and fireworks burst in the sky.
Avi: What are those? Fireworks?
Mama: Yes.
Avi: Why?
Mama: Because they’re having a celebration. They decided to spend the rest of their life together so they had a celebration called a wedding. And sometimes that means setting off fireworks.
Avi: Weddings are fun!
Mama: Yes, I think they are too. When you’re a grown-up, you can have one too, if you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Avi: I don’t want to. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Mama: Oh, honey, someday you might find someone else.
Avi: No. I chose you.
I don’t think my heart could feel any more full.
non-competitive adult soccer doesn’t exist around here.
i miss soccer.
so, i put out a listing on craigs list, got some interest, called parks & rec to double check on the field situation and off i went.
i haven’t even met the people who expressed interest, and they’re already being subversive in a nonconfrontational way. totally wierd.
one guy emailed me
I am pretty excited about it. Well I was kinda wondering if 7 is a little late into the afternoon. But either ways, whatever time it be I will be there.
mister, just tell me you want to play earlier and then name a time. no need to irritate me by beating around the bush.
one girl decided she’d put it on facebook since that’s how her ultimate pick-up team converses. fine with me. i don’t care.
today, i visited the facebook page to post the first game and there was already a discussion asking if anyone knew of fields…but two towns over from me!
then, i posted the event and the same chic said her friend was emailing that town (two towns over) to ask about fields.
madame, i’m not playing two towns over. i’m playing here. you play in your own town if you don’t want to come here, but don’t be stealing all my players.
and, yes, yes, i told them both as much. in nicer words of course.
i don’t think that post made much sense. nor do i feel all that much better from this miniature vent.
i guess i’ll go fold laundry.
This afternoon, I squatted down on the kitchen floor and sobbed.
It racked.
It was ugly sounding.
But.
It wasn’t gut-wrenching. Just a normal cry.
I felt sad and angry. A normal sad and angry.
My GI specialist confirmed today that I will likely have to live with my restricted and complicated diet for the rest of my life. As he put it, “You will always be sensitive.”
Truth be told: I miss endless and uninterrupted bread. The rest I can deal with. But I miss eating bread whenever the hell I want.
So I said, “drat” and moved on with my day. My dad called and I gave him the news. He wasn’t concerned; he just wanted to make sure that an end is in sight to the monthly “episodes” that still sneak up on me and ruin an unsuspecting evening. And then my roommate called: she was at the grocery store picking up fixings for dinner and wanted to make me something. I replied that I was on a non-wheat, rice, and meat day so I had to eat tofu and quinoa tonight. She was totally fine with it. But I abruptly realized that I would have to have similar conversations with people for the rest of my life. Meals would never be easy again. Never. So I hung up and cried.
And then, I finished crying, stood up, and went about my day. I was okay. Life went on. I felt no residual desperation, depression, or black cloud.
The tears welled up briefly when my roomie got home and I explained why I’d been upset on the phone. But they never erupted. They just pooled a little and dissapeared.
I forgot what it feels like to be able to feel an emotion and then let it go.
My body hasn’t done that in what feels like forever. My body is remembering to let go. To shift, to move, to flow, to fly, to breath.
It’s good.
It also helps that the air has finally cooled off and I sat my wi-fi self out on the porch to write by candle light in the dusk while the wind blows through the trees and the neighborhood children shriek.
This is also good.
It’s pretty ironic, really, that I have been spending hours online messing with things like websites, social networking, and decoding twitter-speak and it has left me with no time to blog here. At my first bloggy site of love. (Can I tell you how much it pleases me that that sentence resembles “love at first sight” and yet frustrates me that I couldn’t edit it to make it a more recognizable pun?)
After declaring, on my thirtieth birthday no less, a year of just me, no DOing, I went and got doing.
I been doing a lot lately.
No, not in the sack. You all have one track minds.
Here are my latest adventures. They keep me up late. I can’t keep my mind off of them. I am excited beyond belief. I am terrified to my core:
More anon.
 | Mom on I Chose You |
| Mom on Dreams do Come True |
| Mom on I Have a Dream |
| Mom on Change the Wol-old |
 | Marjorie on I Chose You |
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